The Music Stuff
Professional noise maker since whenever I started
I play piano. Sometimes the right notes come out. When they do, people clap. When they don’t, I just call it “jazz” and everyone nods knowingly.
I’ve been inflicting my musical opinions on wedding guests, corporate event attendees, and unsuspecting jazz club patrons for years now. No one has explicitly asked me to stop yet, so I assume I’m doing something right.
My musical philosophy is simple: play enough notes fast enough and no one can tell which ones were mistakes.
The Bands
The Brotherhood
We play at weddings and make drunk uncles think they can dance. Responsible for countless embarrassing wedding videos since 2009.
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The Sisterhood
Like The Brotherhood but with better hair and superior harmonies. We're the ones they book when they want it to look classy.
Crescendo Big Band
An 18-piece big band playing swing and jazz. That's 18 people who voluntarily chose to spend their Tuesday evenings rehearsing. We need help.
Beyond the Stage
I make noises for money. Sometimes they're good noises. The client usually can't tell the difference anyway.
Session Recording
I'll play piano on your track and only charge you three times what it's worth.
Commercial Jingles
Need some generic piano tinkling for your local carpet warehouse ad? I'm your slightly overqualified guy.
Arranging
I'll take your simple tune and add way too many notes until it sounds 'jazzy'. You're welcome.